


Music Bares the Soul

by Iammissingautumn



Category: Bandstand - Oberacker/Oberacker & Taylor
Genre: Boy is in love a few times, But I forgot it was from that and was like, Character Death, Here's the stories of it, Low-key the title is a reference to a podcast in which they had a musical episode, M/M, Nothing graphic but death of lovers and a minor death of child, Yeah that sounds cool and fits well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 14:38:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16834579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iammissingautumn/pseuds/Iammissingautumn
Summary: Sorta soulmate au where you hear music when you're in love.Jimmy has been in love five times in his life, he didn't think there would ever be a sixth time.





	Music Bares the Soul

Jimmy had been in love five times in his life. The first time, he was six and he had a baby brother. His parents always had the radio going and the day he heard the noise from it was the day he fell in love with his brother and music. He wondered if his baby brother could hear the music too, or if he was still too young. Music was for the privileged, Jimmy was determined to learn how to play it once he had heard it. To let others hear the beauty of it.

The music turned down when he died. Jimmy didn’t understand why it had happened, or how exactly. He had only been told some illness that they didn’t know about till it was too late. The music didn’t fully leave till many months later. He was far into playing music and didn’t stop after it was barely over a whisper. He still strived to show people the beauty of it, even if he didn’t get the privilege of hearing it.

The music came back when he was in high school. A few years since he had heard any music. He thought and brushed off the idea of crushing on a boy in his band class. It didn’t help with the fact that he was staring at the boy when he heard the noise of the drum.

He felt incredibly weird about it. He had been distant friends with the boy but recently they hung out more and played together more and his crush had started becoming more obvious. Though it was pretty obvious in the first place. He had only loved his brother, his parents having harbor this resentment to Jimmy that he never understood. Only enough to know they didn’t love him and he didn’t love them. So being in love with Michael Trojan was something special in itself.

He knew Michael had a girl of his own, had no reason to need or want Jimmy. But he couldn’t help but hope there was something in the other boy’s eyes when he looked at him, hoped he wasn’t just seeing things. So when he asked him out Jimmy was more than happy to say yes. And as they dated he swore the music never sounded so sweet. The music he played never sounded better. He loved the rush of it, he loved the music, and he couldn’t help but love being in love.

But once again the music faded once he was deployed. Away from Michael and away from the happiness and head first into the harshness of war. On a boat away from anything he had ever been comforted by.

Jimmy wasn’t sure exactly when he fell in love the third time. They insisted on no music on board, you could sing or hum if you wanted but it wasn’t an often occurrence. And when he started to date Aaron he still heard nothing. It wasn’t till one day Jimmy had come down to the nursing cabins to check on Aaron after he had been sick did he realize.

“What are you so smiley about?” Jimmy had asked, Aaron, sitting up on a bed moving his head back and forth with one of the biggest smiles on his face. Jimmy thanked god that there was no one else was in the room because the next thing Aaron did was kiss him. And when he pulled away he pointed to his ear, whispering “listen.”  
When he did he couldn’t help but start laughing quietly. A low hum of music played, from a small slightly broken radio that stayed in there to comfort the ones that had loves back at home. It was so beautiful, looking at each other both so starved of being able to touch and feel and love. The music confirmed it for both of them. They loved each other and they had a single moment where they both found out.

The times they stopped in a town Jimmy and Aaron would go anywhere that played music, he even played music when the rare occurrence came up. They hummed around each other, a small I love you when no one else could hear. It made them laugh and look crazy around anyone who saw.

The music didn’t leave when he came home. He could still hear, but it was muffled. As if underwater. Nothing was sharp, it blended together too easily sometimes. All reached the same sound, sometimes barely being able to change it.

It wasn’t clear when he joined the band. Not all of it at least. He suddenly could hear his instruments much better, the piano, his voice and himself being the only clear thing. Not as muted. He hoped this didn’t mean what he thought it did.

Jimmy continued playing the gigs, trying to ignore how much he wanted to watch Donny while he performed. Ignoring the beautiful piano that was played frequently. And the dramatic man who played it.

The other instruments became clearer soon, trumpet being first to make more sense over the water yet still under the piano and his voice. In fact, none of the instruments became as loud as the piano and his voice. But they slowly became somewhat clearer before he heard Julia sing.

Jimmy felt that was the closest he came to love at first sight, except it wasn’t first ever sight. It was first sight in four years. It was a grown woman who had once loved the same man he had. Her voice wasn’t hidden by water, it was like it had been when he ended what he had with Michael. It was clear but broken. Broken? Not broken. Wrong, it wasn’t wrong but it felt wrong. Something he had never heard before but still beautiful and familiar. He wondered if she could recognize him. If he was as clear to her as she was to him- no, he could place it now. She made it feel like the room was bigger like her voice echoed off the walls and it was something special. As if she owned the room, even behind a nervous voice.

He wondered if anyone else could hear her in this unique and beautiful light. If they heard her in the way he did. Jimmy was gay, he knew that. But Julia, she made him remember a love he had almost forgotten. So it felt easy when wanting to calm her, to help her and talk to her. It felt easy to love his friend.

Julia was louder than any trumpet but different than the clear way he heard Donny. She was different. So he talked to her about it, to the music. To what happened to him, to the men he loved. Not about the possibility he was currently ignoring.

Jimmy accepted it much too late, Julia already talking about the new music she could hear. The piano. Where every tune he played popped out as much as he did. Jimmy knew no one heard Julia as he did, but he knew Julia heard Donny as he did. So he didn’t tell her how he heard his voice above the water, the piano, and his humming being the most lively things he had heard in months. He didn’t tell her how the piano she heard made his heartbeat quicken and his stomach knot and he could feel himself swoon. He didn’t tell her how he only recently accepted this love.

Jimmy focused on their harmony as he played. He could hear it. As she sang about loving a man that Jimmy had once and Donny played advently with her. The sharpness of his playing complimenting her echoes. It fit well. He wished he didn’t feel sick at the noise.

They sounded the best at the contest though, after the love for his band grew. When the water only was obvious when he heard someone else’s music. Davy, Johnny, Wayne, Nick, all fitting together nicely. But Julia and Donny? They fit like they were made for each other, Julia sang for Donny as Donny played for her and they were in sync and Jimmy played till he couldn’t hear them anymore. Them well unaware he was playing out every frustration he had had with loving Donny, the pattern of loving the men Julia ended up with. Jimmy played for his dead loves, both figuratively and literally.

Jimmy had told Nick all about it, having broken down in front of him. Nick had sent Wayne off without a second thought and he listened. Which only let Jimmy be comfortable enough to cry, and he cried. Cried about how his happy ending was far from ever happening. How he wanted to be happy, yet the music worked against him. How he was sure no one heard his instruments as he did with theirs. And he was more than grateful when his friend listened to him, comforted him. Did what he could, even if awkward and slightly bad at it.

They were different after that, Nick sent him glances when Donny became handsy with either Jimmy or Julia. Concerned the touch would hurt him, mean too much to see. Jimmy was happy to have the worry, the more obvious of someone wanting to make sure he was okay comforting him. With a person he trusted. And they talked. Talked as a tour came, trusting each other with worries and fears.

Nick dragged Jimmy out to get a drink when Jimmy told Nick Donny was noticeably quieter, still sharp. But at the same level as the rest of the band. and it wasn’t till when he was half asleep and half wasted did he realize how when Nick sang a drunken half familiar song was it different than before. With Jimmy’s head in his lap, his words felt far, and he assumed it was just being drunk at first but it was close yet a bit muffled. Different than the water though, as if a wall separated his words rather than water.  
And the next day when they played it was the same case, he didn’t know what to do about it. But he thought he understood. He wasn’t scared. Was that bad? Being hurt so much that he didn’t care he was in love once more. Sure he loved the others… but it wasn’t _love_. This was comfortable, it was real and comfortable and it didn’t feel like he _should_ deny it. But he couldn’t help but to wish he could deny the fact, that the music wasn’t so different between the men he loved. And Julia. But a small part of him wished this wasn’t how life worked, wished music didn’t change with how he loved. He couldn't help but wonder if that would make everything easier.

But the fact was he loved his friend, he couldn't- didn't want to change it. And it wasn’t in an instant like Donny, it wasn’t a crush that turned to love like Michael, it wasn't loving from a reminder of something and the relationship they built on top of it like he had like Julia, and it wasn’t a something that felt natural like Aaron, nor was like like the needing it felt to love his brother. Nick was something he loved from friendship originally, but lines got blurred and now it was a bit more than just friends. They cared and acted as more than friends but never said the exact words to make it something official.

Jimmy didn’t know what to do with that. They were traveling, he stopped school to go tour and he had lost a bit of love he had for the leader and it was traded for love for their trumpet. He didn’t mind it. The ease it was to be close to him was comforting, how they somehow were turned a blind eye to. It reminded him of the peace he felt with Aaron. He liked the reminder.


End file.
